SOME OF OUR STORIES – so many of our youth live with trauma, and so much resilience and courage
OYSTERS & RAINY DAYS
A 12 year old wakes up to a crying baby and no capable adults-due to addiction and illness. Before we judge, let’s consider what trauma, history and circumstance has led to the unravelling of this family. Noone wants to fail at life, suffer with addiction, or see our children suffer, yet sometimes we do fail and many suffer.
This tired but responsible youngster finds no food in the house and chooses not to walk the 2 km in the rain and mud to the school bus. He has no coat and no suitable shoes. He goes to the nearby beautiful beach and collects oysters. That’s breakfast. He changes the baby and stays home again.
He is talented, capable, resilient and keen to learn, but his circumstances make his ‘normal’ very different to many other kiwi kids. We provided a food parcel, clothes, coat, shoes and blankets. We referred the family to social services and followed up to ensure they were receiving the attention and support they need to choose change.
POVERTY and ILLNESS
Five siblings live in a garage with no running water or electricity. The chest deep freezer is their storage cabinet with chipped plates and some basic groceries. The dirt floor is covered with well worn patches of rugs, carpets and mats. The bunks are made and the whole place is tidy and as clean as possible. The only light is when the garage door is open. Dad is terminal and dying at home. Mum is trying her best to keep everything together and must travel 25km on a dirt road to the nearest laundry in an unregistered van. The eldest is severely disabled and needs full time care.
Bald Angels provides groceries and clothes for the funeral as requested by Hospice who are caring for the dad. We connect with a local iwi group who follow up with some improvements to the living space.
RUGBY and MENTORING
At 11, Kimi lives with a much loved ‘nan’, who has fostered her since she was three. Born to addicts, she struggles with some learning difficulties and appears to be triggered by relief teachers at school. Chatting with Nan, we wonder if being torn away from the original foster family who had bonded with her from birth may be the trigger trauma. Changes in security and familiarity seems to trigger a stress response and anger erupts. This results in trouble at school, yet she’s not a bad girl. She connects well with her mentor and she comments “I’m like a big sister to his kids. I like it.” We register her for the rugby season and go shopping for rugby kit and a ball to practice with. We provide warm clothes & bedding. Her Bald Angels mentor takes her to games, checks in with her on how to manage stress and anger, and treats her with care and respect. She thrives in the rugby team. There is still trouble at school, and we check in with school counsellors to look at support options. We suggest the relief teacher-trauma theory and they look at giving her warning when things change. This lessens the flare ups and everyone has a better time.
RAINBOWS and FRIENDS
They were shaking and pale, unable to make eye contact and communicate through speech. They’d been isolating more and more and had left school and become lonely and afraid of the world. Coming out to parents was fraught with confusion, pain and fear- for both the teen and their parents. Connecting with our Rangatahi (youth)Club allowed them a space to be safe and not judged for being different. It took a few club days to relax into the new safe vibe, and then they managed to speak and share their name and a story. A year later they spoke in a public forum, and two years after joining the group, they enrolled for tertiary trades training. They have friends, have learnt social skills and have picked up life tools to help navigate the world of autism and queerness. The parents have connected with a support group and have discovered new worlds and ways of supporting their children. This child has survived, and the family is loving and intact.
Our vision is that all youth thrive; regardless of race, religion, gender, colour, social background.
WORKING MAMA
A māmā at 15 and with a second baby at 18, this intelligent and hard working teen wants to provide a good life for her babies. She is doing an apprenticeship and loves her work. Overcoming learning difficulties and with a hearing loss, she still proves what a creative and hard working employee she can be. However, with no back up to help care for her children, she misses days of work and the employer is frustrated. We advocate for her and she keeps her job for another year. Finally, it’s too much and the employer can’t sustain the disruption to the team. She loses her job, falls into depression and all her trauma re-surfaces. There are layers of horrific trauma from her childhood and family of origin. How she’s made it this far, winning a creative award and keeping a lovely home for her babies is really quite staggering. Her resilience and strength are truly humbling. She gets her tamariki (children) to school, reads to them and teaches them to take responsibility, communicate and play well.
Bald Angels organises counselling and keeps supporting her with mentoring, food parcels and warm clothes, Christmas gifts and birthday treats for the kids. She is survivor. She is talented and capable. We encourage her to keep believing in herself and being a great role model to her tamariki. We really believe she will thrive and break the cycle in her whānau.
BOOT CAMP OR WHAT?
He became a full time criminal at 11, working for a gang leader. Bounced around detention centres all his teen years with no ‘normal’ schooling, he was surly, tough and uncommunicative when we met him. He was 6’7” and made no eye contact. He learnt to fight in prison, he said. He hid under his cap and hoodie and was a formidable figure . He joined our kiwiMANA programme, signed up by his father’s girlfriend. He’d stolen, been in numerous fights, used drugs and alcohol, smoked and hung out on the streets.
One day we realised he did not know how to dream. He couldn’t tell us what he’d like to see in the future, even if there were no obstacles in the way to him being anything he wanted. He had lived his whole life in survival mode. One minute to the next. I sat with him and we gently worked through recognizing his skills and what makes him feel calmer. He slowly found a dream. We drew it, talked about it and imagined it.
What happened in between is too much to share here, but today, he has been full time employed for five years. He is alive and he is not in prison. He has learnt how to believe in himself and seen another way to live through our love, tolerance, understanding and care. He is doing well!
Bald Angels does NOT believe in Boot Camps. These kids know tough discipline already. It’s in their DNA-it’s not what they’re missing. They need love and respect, care and patience.
TOO SCARED FOR THE BUS
They’re missing school and the Truancy officers are checking out why they’re not getting on the bus, after all they made it easy and provided the bus passes prepaid. The teen loves school and enjoys being with his friends. His little sister is polite, cute as heck and a chatty little monkey who seems to be old for her age. She also likes school.
So why aren’t they getting on that bus?
Their hardworking mum has had a mental and emotional collapse due to severe abuse and although Police were involved, she is too afraid to press charges due to his gang affiliations and potential kickback. The children have seen and heard things no child should have to experience.
Mum can’t get herself up and walk them to the bus. She’s just broken right now. The kids are too scared to leave her and walk alone.
Bald Angels has provided Christmas gifts, kai boxes, coats and shoes, plus provided lunches and given them rides to school. We’ve advocated with the school, referred her to social workers, worked with Women’s Refuge and Police to get her the support they all need. We will be here for her as she navigates this challenging time.
ABUSE AND RESILIENCE
Memories of stealing from the neighbours house to feed her siblings, and selling her body for money and food, causes her eyes to well with tears and her head drops and shoulders hunch up in the shame. She was 12, and her abusive father was their caregiver after mum had left for her own safety.
Fed by fear and trauma, she’s consumed with a desire to make sure her own children have food and are safe and protected. She’s 24 and her rented home is clean, tidy and stylish with a mix of op shop and furniture bought on credit. The car (sold a dud, on 100% credit) needs new tyres, failed the warrant and has the mechanic shaking his head hopelessly. The bills are piling up with penalties and interest exploding. The landlord wants to sell the house and she’s terrified she won’t get another one due to waiting lists for housing. She can’t think, is shaking and trying not to cry. She’s struggling to function but doesn’t want to ask for help. She had full time work, but missed days due to no support with child care. The benefit doesn’t cover her debts and living expenses.
We connect her to social services, advocate with her boss, provide clothes and food parcels, get new tyres and do a deal with the mechanic. We connect her to a financial advisor and support her to believe in herself. We remind her she is worthy, a good person and a valuable member of our community. We give her hope, stay connected and encourage her to keep being a great mum.